"The damage is done so I guess I'll be leavin' "

Just stream-of-consciousness-writing…

…we learned about this writing style at school. I think it’s very interesting so I thought I’d give it a try. But what to write about? Sometimes I feel like I have to say something important, something wise, something that will make an impact. Yet I feel like I still lack the experience in life to compose any wise sentences where the order of words do make kind of sense. Yet, does one necessarily have to be old to be wise and experienced? I don’t know.

…

Someday I feel lonely. Sometimes everyone feels loney. That is natural, isn’t it? It lies in human nature to live in societies, dreading the thought of being left alone, isolated from everyone. But once you find love, everything doesn’t seem to matter anymore as long as you’re with that one person. 

But what if that one person doesn’t love you back? 

You feel even lonelier. Because it’s like the person you desire most doesn’t desire you as much. They don’t seem to need you as much as you seem to need them. And even if you are friends that will never change. Because needing a friend as a friend just isn’t the same as needing someone you love as someone you love. Because it’s different. It’s even worse if they understand that. Because they are aware of the problem but still can’t do anything about it.

And you try to act all cool about it and natural. But inside you’re still hurting. You wonder “why not me? If not me, then who?” and that question keeps on lingering inside your heart until it finally, one day, will drive you insane. Yet you have to act natural, act cool, as if nothing was the matter.
I don’t know what to say… I still feel like I have to say something important. Something helpful. For those who need it. And even though I have so far written quite a lot if still feels like I wrote nothing at all…

“Loneliness is underrated”. Sometimes we need somebody to listen. Somebody we can share our thoughts with. So that the barriers shrink and so that we feel less lonely. But somehow I feel like I feel lonelier the lower the barriers get. And I stop lowering those barriers because I can’t bear this thought. Still, I lend people my ear and hope to at least pay a little comfort by letting them load some of their stress one me. Don’t you do the same sometimes? Or do you feel like it is none of your business, that it’s not your problem and that you don’t have to care?

Sometimes caring and just simply listening can make a difference. You can help people by allowing them to share their life with you. So that they become less lonely. I get told that being too dependent is a bad thing. But is it right to never depend on anyone? Is it really possible to do everything by yourself?

Caring can make a difference. Or making people smile. But one shouldn’t give up on themselves either and solely depend on people to help them. One has to make an effort as well, walk down that road. I don’t know, I feel like that is all I have to say right now…

Who do you think you are?

So, I just wanted to take the time to rant on people who seem to always know better than you. I’m not saying that they’re never right. But I AM saying that some people should THINK before they open their mouth and - if that advice comes too late - should take the time to LISTEN to what they are saying. 

Are YOU in ANY position to tell ME how to live MY LIFE? - No, I think not. Since the words that come out of your mouth seem to be corrupted and you just sound like any other stupid hypocrite that needs to shut up. I mean, some people act like they’re everything’n shit but they can’t even get their own lives straight! Or worse - they aren’t capable of getting their own lives straight but also never ever admit that they’re wrong, that they’ve done and said something and were mistaken! Yeah, these kinds of people kind of push me to the brink of my nerves. Oh, yeah, and what’s even greater - they say that you’re dumb and stupid. And then I’m like-

Um… what?

So you dare to tell me? YOU of all people?

Don’t make me laugh bitches! 

Because we all know that those people are miserable themselves. And because they don’t want to admit they’re wrong because that would damage their pride (if ever existant) they just say anything to appear smart. Yeah, that’s how it works. But hey, humor saves us from insanity right?

Love - a confusing feeling.

Have you ever chased somebody over years? You do your best, you give your best and in the end it’s still not enough because they still dump you or won’t show any interest. And the years pass and pass and pass… until you wonder whether you really loved. whether you even know what love is. You feel frustrated, agitated, everything comes together! It’s hella confusing and you don’t know what to think or what to do. And it continues on and on and on… pretty redundant, I know.

It is hard to sort those feelings. And sometimes it appears even pointless as you won’t ever know what you really want unless it just goes boom - that’s what you want!… yeah, that kind of realization. Anyways, I seem to be in that kind of states as I really don’t know what I am talking about right this moment. But I am just human right? Humans make mistakes… why lash out on a creature that is bound to have flaws? I am just being human… and sometimes that really sucks but life goes on. It’ll go on without being dependant on you. But well, you’re independant too! So do whatever you feel you have to do. Do good. Be kind. Love!

Okay, I really don’t know what this post is about actually. So I’ll just leave it at that. Good night folks!

You’re a grown-up now!

So, when you’re my age… no, even when you’re just a little brat people like your grandma, grandpa, aunties and uncles… hell, even when you’re at school and don’t know what to talk about with your fellow students… you get will definitely get asked

“What are you going to do in the future?”

Everyone gets asked. And everybody asks. It is a question that seems to bother everyone and nobody at the same time. It is an annoying question. Yet everybody is so eager to know - especially from you. So what if I answer “I don’t know yet”?

You get weird looks. Especially from older folks. 

“You’re a grown-up now! You should know what you’re aiming for and bla bla bla bla”

Well, when I was a kid, my answer would be “pianist, an artist, a doctor, an astronaut, a singer”… so how come I don’t know the answer now? Is it because reality taught me that fulfilling your dream isn’t as easy and some of those “dream careers” just won’t work out ever? Is reality really that cruel? 

School doesn’t help either. They all tell you you oughta decide early and they send you to so many places where you can supposedly find out what you’re meant to do for your whole life. Because that’s basically it - you decide to do something for almost the rest of your life (if you don’t get a better job or fired that is). 

Even though I have a faint clue of what I might like to be doing for my living I basically still don’t know. Sometimes you just feel like you don’t know anything. But I think that’s human. However, sometimes I get the feeling that being human is a grand error in this world filled with humans… weird isn’t it?

I don’t live…

…to satisfy you. I live to be happy.