"The damage is done so I guess I'll be leavin' "

When people talk to you about their relationship problems and you suddenly realize…

Just stream-of-consciousness-writing…

…we learned about this writing style at school. I think it’s very interesting so I thought I’d give it a try. But what to write about? Sometimes I feel like I have to say something important, something wise, something that will make an impact. Yet I feel like I still lack the experience in life to compose any wise sentences where the order of words do make kind of sense. Yet, does one necessarily have to be old to be wise and experienced? I don’t know.

…

Someday I feel lonely. Sometimes everyone feels loney. That is natural, isn’t it? It lies in human nature to live in societies, dreading the thought of being left alone, isolated from everyone. But once you find love, everything doesn’t seem to matter anymore as long as you’re with that one person. 

But what if that one person doesn’t love you back? 

You feel even lonelier. Because it’s like the person you desire most doesn’t desire you as much. They don’t seem to need you as much as you seem to need them. And even if you are friends that will never change. Because needing a friend as a friend just isn’t the same as needing someone you love as someone you love. Because it’s different. It’s even worse if they understand that. Because they are aware of the problem but still can’t do anything about it.

And you try to act all cool about it and natural. But inside you’re still hurting. You wonder “why not me? If not me, then who?” and that question keeps on lingering inside your heart until it finally, one day, will drive you insane. Yet you have to act natural, act cool, as if nothing was the matter.
I don’t know what to say… I still feel like I have to say something important. Something helpful. For those who need it. And even though I have so far written quite a lot if still feels like I wrote nothing at all…

“Loneliness is underrated”. Sometimes we need somebody to listen. Somebody we can share our thoughts with. So that the barriers shrink and so that we feel less lonely. But somehow I feel like I feel lonelier the lower the barriers get. And I stop lowering those barriers because I can’t bear this thought. Still, I lend people my ear and hope to at least pay a little comfort by letting them load some of their stress one me. Don’t you do the same sometimes? Or do you feel like it is none of your business, that it’s not your problem and that you don’t have to care?

Sometimes caring and just simply listening can make a difference. You can help people by allowing them to share their life with you. So that they become less lonely. I get told that being too dependent is a bad thing. But is it right to never depend on anyone? Is it really possible to do everything by yourself?

Caring can make a difference. Or making people smile. But one shouldn’t give up on themselves either and solely depend on people to help them. One has to make an effort as well, walk down that road. I don’t know, I feel like that is all I have to say right now…

Love - a confusing feeling.

Have you ever chased somebody over years? You do your best, you give your best and in the end it’s still not enough because they still dump you or won’t show any interest. And the years pass and pass and pass… until you wonder whether you really loved. whether you even know what love is. You feel frustrated, agitated, everything comes together! It’s hella confusing and you don’t know what to think or what to do. And it continues on and on and on… pretty redundant, I know.

It is hard to sort those feelings. And sometimes it appears even pointless as you won’t ever know what you really want unless it just goes boom - that’s what you want!… yeah, that kind of realization. Anyways, I seem to be in that kind of states as I really don’t know what I am talking about right this moment. But I am just human right? Humans make mistakes… why lash out on a creature that is bound to have flaws? I am just being human… and sometimes that really sucks but life goes on. It’ll go on without being dependant on you. But well, you’re independant too! So do whatever you feel you have to do. Do good. Be kind. Love!

Okay, I really don’t know what this post is about actually. So I’ll just leave it at that. Good night folks!

Maybe you’re beautiful but you just can’t see - Beautiful Girl Sara Bareilles

Time

It’s like running out so fast - time. Money is not the most important thing - it’s time. You can’t buy time with money but you can make money with time. Isn’t that weird?
It is true that time heals wounds. But a scar will always be left behind. And whenever you look at it you feel like it’s tearing up this wound again causing you to bleed once more. 

Though at some point you learn to be immune to that pain because you’re used to it and because you don’t want to get hurt from the same thing all over again. I’m using “again” a lot it seems. But that’s how it goes. Again and again and again…

“It will take as long as you loved that someone to forget them”. That’s wrong. Because you’ll never forget. You just learn to supress that memory. However, whenever you look outside the window on a rainy day it will come back to you - all over again. So we should just suck it up and learn to move on. Deal with it

-J.C.K.

Fate? Coincidence?

So… I’ve watched 500 days of summer on request… [and just in case you somehow read this - I still dont believe it >:)] but anyways. It made me think. You see, I’ve been believing in fate as well. Feeling that somehow some things are just meant to be although I really know it’s nothing but coincidence. I think sometimes we just need to dream and have wishes… illusions because reality is so cruel.

So… what about love? Fate? Coincidence? Tom came to the conclusion that it is not fate. Taking initiatives is what it’s all about. But somehow it’s still not garuanteed that you will succeed. And sometimes that will frustrate you…

So… what to do if you’re in this kind of situation? Feeling helpless because you have no control over it? Losing control makes us feel insecure and afraid. We are scared. We get lonely… and just being friends? I don’t know, doesn’t that hurt more than never seeing each other again and try to move on…

If it is not meant to be I guess you have to wait. Get used to the pain, suck it up and grow from it! It is hard… very hard. And sometimes we get weak, try harder and get frustrate it… but we’ll have to get over it and move on… eventually… and try to find happiness somehow different… and somewhere else.